A Life In Review

Weird title right? Why would I write a letter to someone based on their size. Why does it matter? It shouldn’t. You’re right, but somehow girls as early as kindergarten are already facing body image issues and that KILLS me. So this letter is for them, this letter is for me (little me), this letter is for my daughter and my (future) granddaughter and my friends and family. If you’ve never been an XXS, this letter is still for you too, because as women/ girls we’ve all faced these issues at some point no matter what size we’ve been.

My parents worked really hard to never put any pressure on us to look a certain way or be a certain size, but the world has a way of creeping in despite their best efforts.

So here we go:

Hey girl,

Step off the scale for a minute and listen. I know that you have varying opinions shouting at you from all sides and it gets really confusing. It seems like so matter what size or shape your body is, it’s never good enough or pretty enough. I’ve now been anywhere from a size xxd to a large and I’ve heard a lot of things said about my body over the years.

My parents tried so hard to protect my little mind, but from about middle school on, I was looking for ways to stay tiny and remain “cute”. Or whatever beauty standards seemed to be set at the time. You see, the thing was, no matter what I did, it was never enough. Because looks aren’t everything and while they might help you in some areas, there comes a point where we’re all judged the same.

So here I am at 30 years old, sitting in my size large clothes for the first time in my life. But for the first time in a long time, I’m not spending every waking moment trying to run back to the xxs girl that I left behind. Sure she was pretty, sure she fit really nicely in my old clothes, but clothes are replaceable, this body is not.

From such a young age we’re taught that our bodies are a show for others to enjoy, but what if that’s not true? What if your body was yours all along and you get to decide what you do with it? If you’re reading this and you still live at home, your parents have a say for sure, but do your research and learn to love this ONE body that you have a chance to live in. It is not your enemy. We as girls and women should not have to grow up at war with our bodies, picking apart the very thing that sustains our lives.

That looks different for each of us. For me this journey has been buying new clothes that fit the body I have, not the body I used to have. It also means eating the foods that I enjoy (but listening to my hunger cues). For the first time ever I am exercising, not to lose weight per se, but to get stronger and to nurture this body that has to care for two little people who expect me to be there for them for whatever they need right now. For you that might mean giving yourself a break or going out to eat with friends and ordering the burger you want instead of the salad.

I’m so thankful that the conversations about this topic are opening up for us and that we can sit down as moms and daughters and sisters and friends and unpack the mess that is body image. For me social media has been both a hinderance and a help with my body image in recent years (I won’t unpack that whole topic right now), but one account that has been really helpful. for me is @ashleyklemieux. She has a mantra that she has shared on her page for a few years now and it’s “My body is my oldest ally”. I’m not a big mantra gal, but I really liked that one from the first time I heard it (and maybe you need to hear it too).

At the end of the day, what’s been done to you, what’s been done to us, isn’t fair, but we have the chance to change things for the next generation of girls that are following right behind us. The girls that we’re raising in our homes or teaching in our classrooms. I’m done making myself smaller so that I fit where people want me to fit, I deserve to take up space and so do you, in whatever size body you have. So let’s do it together.

Sincerely,
A Former XX Small

** Just a footnote: I didn’t know how to add this to my letter, but this goes out to all of you. The ones who are told they need to “put meat on their bones” or that they should “eat a cheeseburger” and to the ones who were constantly asked “are you sure you want to eat that?” or “do you know how many calories are in that?”. It’s for all of us, because it seems that no matter what size we are it’s never enough, and that stops with us. **