A Life In Review

I’ve been a mom for 3.5 years now. I’m not an expert by any means, but I’ve been around the new mom block. I follow a lot of mom accounts on social media, and a few weeks ago, a mom posed the question, “If you could go back, what would you say to yourself as a new mom”. It really had me thinking hard. What would I find important enough to say to myself.

^{** Just a disclaimer: I wrote this, not specifically toward a NICU/Preemie mom (even though that’s what I was as a new mom, because I wanted this to reach more new mamas, but I will be writing another one for the NICU/Preemie mamas during NICU awareness month! **}

Hey Mama,

Things are wild right now. You’re holding this perfect little person in your arms and life doesn’t feel real. You’re happy and you’re sad and you’re excited and you’re scared. There is this whole new life that is ahead of you now and it seems like everyone has an opinion to share with you about how that life should look. It’s overwhelming and it feels like the weight of the world is literally in your arms right now, but here’s the thing, no one knows what they’re doing. Especially the first go around. I know you love lists, so here’s a small one of things to remember.

1. No matter how hard you try, you are going to lose a part of yourself in motherhood. Everyone says it like it’s a bad thing, but I don’t think it necessarily is. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I really miss the “old me” (or you, I guess), but becoming a mother changed me in so many good ways too and I think that as the kids grow, I will find pieces of myself again and bring both parts of myself together.
2. Give yourself the same grace you give your friends. If your friend just had a baby a few days ago, would you expect her house to be spotless when you come over to visit? Do you expect her to respond to your text messages right away or make perfect sense when she does? NO! So why do you expect perfection from yourself? You just gave birth (in your case, you JUST had major surgery!!)
3. Let them help you. If your friends (or family) are offering to help you, they mean it. They want to help you. They don’t just want to see the baby. Let them bring you food and do your laundry and wash your dishes. You do not have to control everything or be the perfect housewife right now. You snuggle the baby and let people love on you too.
4. It’s your baby. You make the decisions. You are going to hear so many varying opinions on how you should do things. I mean even down to when you should announce that you’ve had the baby, but it’s YOUR baby (and your husband’s). Together you created this person, and together the TWO of you get to make the decisions about him/her.
5. That said, there are two pieces of advice I want you to cling to.
   1. When all else fails, put them in water or take them outside. This works 80% of the
   of the time for both the kids and you. I don’t know the science behind it, but I know
   that it has saved my sanity so don’t discount it.
   2. Date your spouse because if you don’t, once the kids are grown and move out,
   you’ll be living with a stranger. Take this seriously. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
   It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, just be together and remind each other why
   you chose to start this family in the first place.
6. It won’t be like this for long. That statement is two fold. When things are really hard and you are at your whits end, remember that it won’t be like this forever. It won’t be this hard all the time. Life will never be easy, but it will never be this kind of hard again. On the flip side, babies don’t keep, so put your phone down and stare at your sweet baby. Watch her sleep. Get down on the floor and play with him. Give them your full undivided attention. I promise that you will never regret it.
7. You cannot spoil a baby. Look it up if really need the proof, but no matter what the boomers say to you, you cannot spoil that baby. Hold her every second of the day if you want to. You just spent 7 (or more) months growing that baby inside of you. Contact naps are not going to ruin his sleep. Don’t feel guilty that she cries when you go to put her down. She loves you and she wants to be near you.
8. You will never know another love like this. Sure you know love. You love your parents and your sister. You LOVE your sweet husband. But this love is something inexplicable. It’s the closest we will ever get to understanding the love that the Lord has for us and holy cow is it a lot. You think you know what love is, but then this little person is placed in your arms and everything inside of you changes. Hold onto that Mama. It doesn’t make you weak to be full of all this love, it just makes your heart full.

Welcome to this wonderful, wild, messy world of motherhood. You are going to worry for the rest of your life about the people that you love the most in this world!

Love,
Your (3 years later) seasoned self

To those reading this, I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day! If this is your first Mother’s Day, congratulations! If it’s your 40th, I hope you’re just as spoiled as your first. Happy Mother’s Day!