A Life In Review

A review of the best and worst mom advice I’ve received in my first year as a mom.

1. “You really should put your baby down for a nap so you don’t spoil her”

0 Stars- I do not recommend, nor did I listen to this advice that I heard over and over. I’ve had some of the BEST snuggles this year. Sure I could have had more time to shower, clean or eat, but I got creative and it still all got done. I will never regret spending year one holding my sweet girl while she napped.

2. “Take lots of pictures (and videos) they change so fast”

5 Stars- BEST ADVICE. Sometimes I feel the the paparazzi, but seriously, take the pictures. Take candids take still shots, take wild shots. The days are slow but the years are sooooo fast. Pictures and videos are so special to have and look back on! I promise you won’t regret this one!

3. “Make sure to continue dating your spouse (or SO).”

5 Stars- I’ve written a whole post about it (linked here), but it’s even more important after a baby. As women, our bodies (and lives) have changed so much. I have spent a lot of this year trying to get to know myself again. Your spouse or SO is there too, learning this new life and new you. Include them, DATE THEM. It’s so important to remain strong as a team especially when parenting!

4. “You shouldn’t let the baby cry”

2.5 Stars- I am wishy washy with this one. I have both let her “cry it out” and pick her up when she cried. At night, cry it out has proved to work really well. During the day, I personally cannot handle it. At night, we are all tired and a break from each other is good. Self soothing is good. During the day, I cannot emotionally handle letting her “cry it out” so I don’t. This advice really just shouldn’t be given because each family is different and each baby is different. You do what is best for your home!

5. “Sleep when the baby sleeps”

1 Star- (I started getting this advice in the beginning, but heard it more so when I started laying the baby in her crib for naps). This advice might work for 10% of moms, but for most of us, when the baby sleeps, we get things done. This is when we eat and do laundry and shower. Nap time is when we have a minute to ourselves. Most of the time, I don’t even rest when she’s napping. I get everything done that I can’t get done when she’s awake (and tearing the house apart). I also literally can’t sleep when the baby sleeps because my mind doesn’t shut off.

6. “Don’t compare yourself to other moms”

5 Stars- This is so important to remind moms. I’ve heard it so many times and I still need to be reminded. Especially as a first time mom, it is so easy to compare yourself to seasoned moms and moms who appear to have it all together. I have found this year, that the mom’s who seem to have it all together, are spread so thin, that they are on the verge of breaking. None of us really know what we are doing. Every kid is different and we are all trying our best to raise good humans.

7. “Kid’s under two shouldn’t have any screen time”

0 Stars- This advice should just be kept to yourself. If you choose to keep screens away from your kids, awesome. If you choose to let your kids watch movies so you can have a break, perfect. If you don’t have kid, it’s none of your business to give advice. You need to do what is best for you and your family. For us, we watch Frozen at least once a day. In fact, we have watched it so much this year that I know just about all the words by heart. That movie has kept us sane a time or two this year and I have no regrets. It’s really all about balance in their little lives.

8. “Trust your gut”

4 Stars- I’m torn as to if I should give this advice 5 stars. However, I feel like I should leave a margin of error in the star rating too. I would say 4/5 times, Mom gut is spot on. This is so confusing in the first year. It was something I really struggled with. Sometimes I thought that I was just being overprotective or a worrier. I wish I could explain what Mom gut is like. I think you just need to be a mom to understand it. There is this sense that a mom gets that no one else feels (except maybe the dad, because dad’s can have gut feelings too). For me, this year, my mom gut made sure that my daughter got the care that she needed. So mama’s, trust your gut.

9. “Don’t worry, you’ll get through it”

2 Stars- While this isn’t the worst advice, it’s also just not helpful. I’ve been guilty of saying it, but as a new mom, this isn’t what we want to hear. Of course we know that the baby will grow and that each stage is different, but when you are in the thick of it, it’s hard and you just want to be heard. You want people to acknowledge that it is in fact hard and that you are doing a great job “getting through it”.

10. “Children love unconditionally”

5 Stars- At the end of the day, even at your worst, they love you. I’m not sure how true this is in the teenage years, but as a new mom, this is something I hold close to my heart. When I am laying her down in her crib at night in tears because it was a hard day, she looks up at me and smiles. She holds no record of wrongs (yet) and she loves me more than I deserve. When we both wake up in the morning, we get a fresh start and that’s my favorite way to start my day.

I’m sure you’ve heard more, I’m sure you’ve heard worse. Most people give advice from a kind place in their hearts, but at the end of the day, you are the mom (or dad) and the kid is yours to raise and screw up in your own wonderful way. Take every piece of advice with a grain of salt and remember, that we are all trying our best.